Week 8, 3rd Run: So this is what failure feels like

Time: 2130
Duration: 3 min running + 2 min walking x3 (15 min)
Route: R Rd, W Ave, WE Lane, WE Gdns, H Rd, D Rd
Weather: 22C - partly cloudy - cool breeze
Sleep: 13hrs

I could only manage 3 sets today before I started to feel extremely dizzy with a painful stomach ache. My whole face burnt up and my breathing was out of control. This is what happens when you run dehydrated and whilst on your TOTM. It was a nightmare. I said to my boyfriend "I think we ran too quickly at the beginning" - which we did because we managed to do a lap in 3 sets instead of the usual 4 1/2, but that wasn't the biggest problem. It started when I felt like my head was pounding every time we started running and I had to breath much more than usual, struggling to exhale because my head pounded every time I did so. By the third time I experienced this my boyfriend called an end to the run (out of pure kindness). He said I'd be stupid and stubborn if I did any more and he was seriously right. So, I retired after 3 sets and dragged myself back to the house feeling completely miserable and defeated.

Of course, by the time I get home my stomach ache stops and my dizziness turns to just a dull headache. The only thing that didn't change was my mood and I still feel it now. That annoyed and angry voice inside me that is making me feel like a total failure. This sounds really stupid but I could honestly cry right now. I know deep down that if I drank enough water today and wasn't on my TOTM, I would've easily done this run. So I have no idea why I feel like such a failure. I don't want to cry because it isn't really my fault; it's just the way it is and I did my best... but I hate myself for not completing this run. This would be the first week on my programme that I've not completed a week and I think that's probably why I feel so awful. The feeling of guilt for letting myself down is probably much more powerful than the stomach ache and the dizziness I suffered earlier. I just knew inside me that this wasn't the kind of pain or faintness that I could overcome if I carried on running, so I had to stop.

Oh, god - look at me - I'm trying to reason with myself... urgh, I sound like an idiot. I need to get over it and move on. Whilst dragging my body back to my house and doing my warm down stretches, I did wonder if my diet was good enough for a runner. I'm a little random with my points and though I eat less than I used to, I eat all the wrong stuff. I need more lean meat and good carbs from meals made from scratch that includes no empty calories [she says, whilst sipping her Irn Bru...] I think I can make Weight Watchers work with my running and I need to seriously pull my finger out and sort out my diet. Gah, I should've gone to the health food store today! Sigh. Today is not a good day and I can't go to bed yet because I'm no where near tired and I haven't done the bit of work I was supposed to do before I went for a run. I did manage to tidy up my clothes and did a bit of laundry which wasn't exactly on my list of things to do... TODAY SUCKS! :\